A few months ago I muddled through a string of down days. Nothing specific was wrong, but nothing was right either. I sought help from family, friends, doctor, therapist. I grabbed myself by the scruff of the neck and gave myself a talking to as well. Then, I had an “aha!” moment.
Peter was watching tennis when I left him that day. He waved me off and stayed in front of the tv. He didn’t mind that I left. The next day, when I picked him up to go on a picnic with Leslie and Martin, I suddenly, aha, got it.
You see, when I collect him to go for coffee or to the car wash or lunch, I feel guilty because when I arrive the other residents are usually parked in front of the tv or tottering up and down the hall aimlessly. Many don’t seem to have visitors very often, if ever, although there are a lot of hours when I’m not there so I don’t really know.
Peter and I go out the locked door leaving them behind—it’s like picking one puppy over another, I think. Guilt swamps me because I can’t take them too, yet sometimes I can barely deal with my own husband, much less with someone else.
But Sunday when I walked in the residents—Peter included much to my surprise—were batting a balloon around and laughing hysterically. What could I do but laugh with them? Always the clown, Peter tried some of his practiced soccer maneuvers while sitting in a chair. Activities like this may happen often, but this was the first time I’d witnessed it. Aha, I thought.
No sooner had the balloon floated away than a man came in, pulled the piano to the center of the room and started playing and singing familiar old songs: You are my sunshine; Row, Row Row Your Boat; Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do; Shine on harvest moon and on and on non-stop for nearly an hour. The nurses and aides clowned to the music, chair-danced with the residents, and everyone joined the singsong or tapped their feet. I even got Peter to dance with me. He remembered those moves too, although he said he wouldn’t try to “dip” me. Funny, he seemed to remember he’d dropped me once.
Two days earlier the activities personnel had organized a fall festival, complete with games and food, crafts and music, baby animals and even antique cars. Fun-filled late summer days! Moments to remember…
January to December, we’ll have moments to remember…
Excerpted lines from “Moments to Remember,” Al Stillman and Robert Allen, music and lyrics, 1955.
Header photo: Peter and Nobby walk in the mountains, 2015.