Who is that masked woman?

I’ve only seen my husband in person four times since COVID-19 isolated us and those visits were through the fence that surrounds the facility where he lives. We can’t share a hug or hold hands, but at least I can see him, and he, me, although he pretends he doesn’t know me.

Leslie, Martin and I visited Peter recently, a visit arranged by a nurse who urged him outside. We chatted about 30 minutes until Les and Mart had to leave. I stayed longer and tried to answer his questions about the virus. He wants to know if it’s “fixed” yet.  Hard enough to explain the enormity of a pandemic to anyone at all, much less someone who has Alzheimer’s Disease. He repeats his questions over and over and I reply with the simplest explanations I can. That particular day he was clearly distressed. I tried to reassure him that he was safe where he was, while we on the outside of the fence must wear masks and be extra cautious because the virus is so contagious.

As I drove away he kept pace inside the fence with my car. I did the Queen Elizabeth wave to make him laugh, but I was fighting tears. Maybe he was too. It was my worst day since the day he was admitted more than two years ago. I don’t know why it was so difficult. Maybe it was seeing him so uncharacteristically sad.

When I visited the next week he seemed more his old self. I’d meant to take a photo of him during the other visits but stopped myself. Did I really want pictures of my husband behind bars? So this time I decided a “selfie” of the two of us would be fun. It wasn’t easy to stand six feet apart, factor in the length of my arm and still get both of us in the shot. He turned on his usual Peter smile—he’s such a ham—while I snapped several pictures.  When I showed him the results, again at distance, he wondered what “that thing” was on the side of the photo.

“That’s me silly,” I said. I tugged at the mask I’d had on the entire the time we’d been talking.

“Why are you wearing that?” he asked, laughing. I explained yet again.

Then he wanted to know why his head was so small in the picture. I didn’t try to explain perspective nor remind him of the six feet between us. When I pointed out that we’d been photo-bombed by the American flag, naturally that spurred questions about why the Union Jack wasn’t there too. “Because, the Fourth of July is coming up. That’s when we celebrate our independence from you lot,” I said. At least we were both laughing when I left that time.

 

Header photo: Peter’s happy “photo face” and my masked chin, neck and shoulder.

 

 

 

2016 National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ contest finalist. 

 

Is laughter quarantined too?

Laughter has been as scarce as toilet paper and hand sanitizer these recent months. There are glimmers of good news now and then, but the bad far outweighs the good. March 14 the facility where Peter has lived for two years closed its doors until further notice due to COVID-19.  “Further” has yet to be determined. Still, who am I to complain when tens of thousands of families will never see their loved ones again?

Oh, Peter and I have talked on the phone and FaceTimed. He always sounds quite jolly when we talk, but it isn’t difficult for me to get him going. I say something silly, he laughs and comes back with something sillier. We’ve been doing that for years. After we’ve talked, whoever facilitated the call—Haley, Brandi, Jordan—lets me know that he smiled the whole time. I appreciate them telling me. Smiles work wonders when reasons to laugh are so scarce.

Peter understands that there’s a serious health crisis, though it would be a stretch to think he understands what a pandemic is or the devastation it has wreaked around the world. His world is limited to the locked doors behind which he and 15 others live. He’s safe there.

When we FaceTimed last week, aided by Brandi, I happened to be sitting outside in the sun—sunlight destroys the virus, they say—and I didn’t have time to corral my flyaway hair. “Is that you?” Peter asked, frowning. He had her phone pressed close to his face the better to decide if the image on the screen was indeed the woman he married.

“I look different with all this white hair, don’t I?” I asked.

He hooted. “Oh, is that you?”

I nodded. “I look like my grandmother.”

“Well how old are you?” he wanted to know.

I sighed. “We’re both over the hill, Pete. I’m eighty-one, and you’re…”

“SIXTY!” he blurted.

“…Eighty-two.” My turn to laugh.

Thursday we visited through the garden fence, again with Brandi’s help. She made sure Peter was outside at one o’clock. He wasn’t quite sure about the masked woman standing near the gazebo. He walked toward me hesitantly. “It’s you!” he said finally.

Leslie and Martin arrived a bit later. We three stood in the sunshine, at distance from Peter, and chatted as if it were a normal day. Peter’s grasp of the virus’s severity is fleeting. “Is ‘it’ just here?” he asked circling his arms around. “How long will ‘it’ last?” he’d say every few seconds. Again and again we told him that the whole world is affected and that no one knows for how long. Each time he’d roll his eyes, shake his head and repeat, “‘Is it just here? How long will it last?”

He took some comfort when Martin told Peter he was safer inside than we were outside. Finally, I encouraged him to go see if there was a cup of tea in the dining room with his name on it. Certainly tea won’t cure this pandemic, but it can’t hurt.

Header photo: I forgot to take a photo of us at the fence, but Peter hasn’t changed much since this one was snapped two years ago when he was only 80.

 

 

2016 National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ contest finalist. 

Seize the day!

It was more than a year after I placed my husband in memory care before I found a new normal. I’d skimmed across the days, weeks, months in a daze, I now know. Friends said I was doing well, but I knew I was barely hanging on.

But at last, mama’s got her mojo back. Carpe diem.

Almost from the start, I had concerns about certain aspects of Peter’s new life. Nearly 18 months later I realized that the route to change was for me to Do Something.

I made an appointment to talk with one person but ended up in the office of another, a nice young man who had the authority to affect change. When I sat down with him—I’ll call him Mr. L—I had two pages of notes ranging from serious matters like Peter’s refusal to take his meds or take supervised showers regularly to other, superficial items. He lay my top priorities to rest quickly. Weeks prior word had reached Mr. L’s desk that twice I’d found pills lying on my husband’s table. Steps were taken. Peter no longer gets away with his tricks to hide meds, although I’m sure he still tries.

My complaint that two showers a week aren’t enough for anyone, anywhere, anytime, much less my often “fragrant” spouse, was addressed. It’s still a battle for whoever has to convince him, but it’s happening. Who knows, maybe Peter will come to accept his new normal.

When I visited recently, an aide told me Peter had refused to shower that morning, as he had on Friday. “I’ll talk to him,” I said, thanking her for telling me. While we had our tea I told him how upset I was about his refusing showers. He looked like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but he continued to insist he didn’t need to shower “all the time.”

I persisted. He held firm. Finally I suggested we play dominos and the best-of-seven winner would make the shower decision. Peter lost. He went to the shower room willingly. Afterwards, he came back to his room arms raised, hands clasped above his head. He looked good, he felt good and he he’d made me happy. “Domino effect” has taken on new meaning. I might have to show the aides how to play the game!

Peter always liked to garden.

Next on my list was the garden that surrounds the wing where Peter and as many as 15 others live. “The front of the facility is very nice, well maintained, welcoming,” I said to Mr L, “but that garden is pitiful. The raised bed is full of weeds and mint. The area is not inviting at all.” He agreed. I also suggested painting the ceiling of the gazebo blue. That struck a chord and Mr. L added that the porch ceilings needed paint too. Yes-s.

Then I mentioned my two occasional gardeners—they help me at home—and asked if it would be OK to contact them to see if they would be interested in a garden overhaul. Yes and yes. Before long they’ll start work on their plan that includes brilliant perennials with compelling scents—lavender, lilac, viburnum—and although fall hasn’t even started, I can’t wait until spring.

The tall black garden fence is meant to contain residents who try to escape, Peter among them! I proposed murals on some fence sections to make them less prison-like. Murals are on the radar with two potential artists lined up.

Peter ponders his next domino move.

When I asked about a table and chairs for the gazebo, snap, they appeared a few days later. I hope other residents and their families enjoy sitting there as much as we do.

How about enlisting student volunteers from local schools and the university to visit with residents or plan entertainment? I asked. Maybe youngsters could write notes to them? Would young children from day care facilities come to cheer the residents? I wondered. Worth trying, Mr. L thought, and before long he’d made some calls and ideas are flowing. Peter loves little children and I imagine other residents would enjoy little children and their antics, too.

My list grows, even as I sit here tweaking this post. At least now I’ve Done Something about things that can be remedied with the right sources and not too much money. I’ll probably make some enemies in this process, but it wouldn’t be the first time. I’m not called Mother Tough without reason!

Header photo: Peter asks if he can help when the garden rehab starts. “You can sweep up every day,” I offered.  He nodded. “I’m good at that,” he said.

 

 

 

2016 National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ contest finalist. 

Shades of happy.

A neighbor drove by while I was walking the dog one morning. She stopped to say she missed seeing Peter out with Nobby. “I do too,” I said, “thanks.”

“How is he doing?”

“Better than most,” I told her. “We’re ‘lucky.'”

“Tell him Ron and I said ‘hello.'”

Another morning walk and another neighbor, Ann, stopped at the curb. “I’ve wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your blog,” she said. “I help someone who has Alzheimer’s. It’s tough all ’round…” she waved goodbye, then called out, “by the way, love your dog.”

Monday an email reminded me, as if I could forget, that my blog would be featured July 17—today— on the AlzAuthors’ website. Anyone who writes, who longs to be published, who doesn’t care if she ever earns a cent will understand what an absolute thrill this is.

Published!

When I took Nobby out yesterday I was still doing my happy dance from the previous day’s news. Yet another neighbor came along and, when Nobby bounced over for a cuddle, she remarked that her golden doodle was as happy as mine.

Any of my followers who are dealing with or affected by any of the dementias should look at AlzAuthors to read other writers who have advice, ideas or kind words on a subject that affects 500 thousand more people each year in the United States alone. You can learn more about AlzAuthors here https://www.facebook.com/AlzAuthors/  here  https://twitter.com/AlzAuthors and here https://www.instagram.com/alzauthors/

To be published on a national site and, more importantly, to be able to share, more broadly, our experiences, Peter’s and mine, well, it’s intoxicating! “Happy” doesn’t begin to describe my joy.

Header photo: Delicate old-fashioned hollyhock disappeared from my garden years ago. I spotted it recently, tucked among the branches of the Nashiki willow, in a different spot entirely, but still as pretty.

 

 

2016 National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ contest finalist. 

 

 

 

 

Today was the day.

He knew he knew me but still, he didn’t really know who I was. He couldn’t say my name. He couldn’t say what our relationship was. I wasn’t as shocked as I expected to be when it actually happened. I knew the day would come sooner or later.

Today was sooner rather than later.

Peter hasn’t been able to say our family’s names for some time — Carolynn, Leslie, Samantha, Jeremiah, Martin, Bill — though he recognizes them when he sees them or gazes, as he often does, at their pictures.“How are things in England these days?” he asked. Uh oh, I thought.

What I should have done is explain some little thing about the Brexit crisis. He wouldn’t have understood, but he would have listened, interested. But I said, “I don’t live in England, Peter. I’ve never lived in England.” His eyebrows shot up, and he shook his head as if to clear the cobwebs. His thoughts looped as he asked over and over how things were in England. Finally, leaning close, I asked, “Do you know who I am?”

He bluffed. “Course I do. I could never forget you!

“Mm-m, do you know my name, what we are to each other?”

He gazed into the distance as if the answers might be written in the mist outside. I said his first wife’s name and asked if he thought I was her. He shook his head, but he did ask where she was. I said I only knew she’d moved back to England years ago. “The two of you came here, to Virginia, in 1968,”  I said.

“Well where were you then?”

“In Arizona, getting ready to move to Virginia.” He shook his head again. I was sure he knew he knew me, but he couldn’t say my name. I turned it into a game. “Am I your sister? Your niece? Your grannie? Your mum?” He laughed at my silliness and said no to each question. Then, inspired, I said, “Peter and…J-o-o-o-o-o…?”

He grinned. “JUDY!” His exaggerated wink tried to tell me he knew my name all along.

He hugged me tight and we laughed together.

[The “today” in this post is actually yesterday. I wrote this late last night, but refined it today. Changing all the todays to yesterdays only works in the song.]

Header: Scene outside my window today.

You don’t say.

Some have it, some don’t. Some can think on their feet, some can’t.  I don’t have it and I can’t do it.

My daughters have it, my mother did, so did her sister, and many of my friends do. I mean quick wit, the ability to lead conversation away from touchy subjects. That ability is a gift so important when dealing with someone who has dementia, or indeed for any illness for which the prognosis is dire.

To redirect is a thing in dementia care, a way to direct the loved one away from a topic that is sure to lead to increased stress, a meltdown, anger, tears. To redirect is a mechanism to avoid answering a question that the caregiver doesn’t want to answer and that the patient doesn’t really want to hear.

My corny  excuse to explain my total ineptitude with numbers is, I do words, I don’t do numbers. Likewise, I’m not much of a talker. I use pencil and paper and I listen. As my taciturn dad always said of himself, “Someone has to  listen.”  After the fact, I can always think of what would have been the smart thing, the right thing to say.

For people like me I recommend thinking up a list of things to say when needed. I’ve learned not to say to Peter, “I’m going home,” rather, “I have to leave now.”  I’ve learned not to say, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” rather “I’ll be back,” or “I’ll see you next time.” It’s a way to get around the truth which could well be, I need a day for myself tomorrow, but I’ll see you the next day. I don’t use the word “home” in case Peter were to say, “I want to go home too.” On the very few occasions when he has actually asked when he can leave, I rely on something glib like “when the ravens leave the Tower.” He laughs, I laugh, and his plea is soon forgotten. “Never” is way too harsh an answer even though it’s the truth.

Said euphemistically.

In professional caregiver circles* there’s a controversy about whether dementia patients should be lied to— euphemisms like therapeutic fibs, stepping into their reality, or brief reassurances are sometimes used.  I don’t want to lie, but I bite my tongue if to tell him the truth would make the in-the-moment problem worse.

I’ve read articles that advise talking about simple things, talking down, in other words, to the patient’s level. I  choose not to do that. The way I engage Peter is to tell him what’s going on in the world, the good and the bad. He listens with interest, nods his head or shakes it as punctuation and, at that instant, I truly think he understands. His grasp of my words is brief, but I always feel as if, in that short-lived span, I’ve reached him.

I have a mental file of funny stories to tell him about our two young adult grandkids. He grins as he listens. I share little snippets of gossip I’ve heard, even out of context, and he chuckles. News of our friends interests him, if only for the length of a smile.

As I’ve always done, I do it my way.

Photo memory.

Just yesterday, Peter looked at family photos on his bulletin board and, as he does, counted pictures of himself. He stopped suddenly and said, “There aren’t any pictures of me mum and me dad!  I really should go and see them…’aven’t see them for years, ‘ave I?”

What to say quickly? “Well, you had framed photos of your dad on the dresser,” I said, “but you hid them.”

He was shocked. “Why? Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know….” I gulped  but barged ahead with the truth, “…they both died years ago. Your mum, in 1974 — it’s 2019 now — and your dad, in 1999. He died two days after my dad! We got home from his funeral to find out your dad was gone.”

“No one ever told me! Why didn’t I know?”

“You did know. We got back from Ohio one day and a little more than 36 hours later we were on a plane to England.”

He plopped down to think about this news. While he thought I wrote on his message board:

Mable Doris Walsh Clarke b. April 1, 1908, d. March 30, 1975
John Abraham Clarke b.November 13, 1909, d. November 8, 1999.

When I showed him he said, “How did all that get there,” pointing at my words.

I showed him the green marker I’d used. “I wrote them,” I said.

He waved his hands. “But how did you know all that?”

“I remembered it,” I said. He shook his head. “Someone’s got to remember these things, and you can’t, so I do.” He laughed, as I’d hoped he would, and hugged me.

For once I used the right words.

*”The Memory House / The comforting fictions of dementia care,” Larissa MacForquhar, The New Yorker, October 8, 2018. MacFarquhar is a staff writer, author of “Strangers Drowning,” and an Emerson Fellow at New America.

Header: Peter with his afternoon cuppa.

2016 National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ contest finalist. 

 

The door doesn’t buzz for me.

This wasn’t a stick-of-butter-in-July-sun meltdown. No, it was more like a snowman-in-shade-at-34°F.  It had been lurking for several weeks. Things, little things, had begun to pile up when another snag with our long term insurance company turned me into a weepy, hand-wringing mess.

I don’t cry easily or often, but that day my eyes flooded as I stried to decipher the latest problem. As far as trying to deal with this particular issue, I’d bottomed out. I was doubly upset because I knew had to ask for help. For most people, I think, it is difficult to seek help from family or from anyone else for that matter, or even admit to needing it.

Leslie,  Martin and I were at their river place for the weekend. Les knew something was up and asked several times Friday evening if I wanted to talk. I stalled. “Nope, not yet, not now, not this evening, maybe tomorrow,” I said. But it was Sunday morning before I found my voice. I’d planned to leave by early afternoon to visit Peter, so if I were going to talk, it had to be then. “I’ve lost myself” I think I said, or maybe, more accurately, “I’m lost.”

“You. Are. Not. Getting. Alzheimer’s, Mom. You. Are. Fine.” Leslie reacted as she always does when I joke that I’ll probably have to move in with Peter soon.

“No-o, I know,” I said. “I am forgetful and addled a lot of the time these days, but this has been a really terrible year. The stress has finally gotten to me.”

“It has been terrible,” she agreed. And I thought, awful not just for me trying to bear up, or for Peter trying to understand, but for the rest of the family too, especially Leslie and Carolynn. They’re being brave for me. And strong.

I cringe when friends say how well I handle our situation, because a lot of the time I’m coming unwound. As always, utter panic grips me when I’m faced with bills to pay, numbers to compute, or when anything to do with financial matters smacks me upside the head. I’ve always fallen back on the excuse that I don’t do numbers. I do words.

I have no need to fret, but still I do. Luckily, we have good long term care insurance coverage, but unluckily, the company has penalized me for their own ineptitude more months than not for the seven years I’ve filed claims. Last summer, to deal with worsening, inexcusable treatment, I did what I do best: I wrote a letter and sent it to the company’s CEO. In detail and with exhibits, I described the hurdles I’d had to jump to get reimbursed. That letter got results and a phone call within hours. And within two days the nearly 12 thousand dollars owed were deposited to my account. For nearly six months there were no further hassles. Then it started again, and with other niggly things piled on too, the weight of a year’s worth of anguish bore down.

Slowly, but steadily, I began to melt

Leslie rolled her eyes, not at my fragile state, but because I hadn’t mentioned the issues sooner. “Mo-om, this is something I, we, can help you with. You don’t have to do this on your own. You’ve got enough on your plate!” She was right of course.

Well, now that I’ve exposed my distress here, I realize, once again, I shouldn’t not ask for help. Peter is doing as well as can be expected and I am fine as my daughter reminds everytime I buckle, 

When I left Peter yesterday and walked toward the door into the lobby, the alarm didn’t buzz. I punched in the code anyway. Nothing. I tried again then started to laugh at myself. The alarm didn’t go off because I have no ankle band to trigger it. I can just open the door and leave. Hm, not so funny after all.

Header: Snow storm Banff, British Columbia, August 29, 2010.

2016 National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ contest finalist. 

 

Right or wrong? Left or right? Here or there?

Thoughts about my ability to live in this new world where I’m practicing to be a widow rattle around in my head like stray coins clanking in the clothes dryer.

When will I, or will I ever, sleep on the other side of the bed. When will I, or will I ever, stop walking around the bed on my middle-of-the night treks to the bathroom, when I could just roll out the left side?

Will I ever sit on the other side of the kitchen table where Peter always sat?

Will I ever be able to clear the cedar closet of the suits he wore to work (once he realized he had to wear a suit to work) or the Burberry all-weather coat he never ever wore, or the cowboy boots we spent hours shopping for in Santa Fe and that were too nice to wear?

And will I ever stop being his caregiver?

The answer to all the above is, probably not. Anyway, Peter isn’t gone, he’s just removed from the life we lived together.

It just wouldn’t be right to sleep on the left side of our bed, or to change my path to the bathroom, or to sit on the opposite side of the kitchen table. And now, even though he’s in a care facility with round-the-clock coverage, his care really is still in my hands. Anyone in care or in hospital needs an advocate because the carers, the nurses, the aides can’t be everywhere, every time, all the time.

But that’s neither here nor there.

I have no choice but to be Peter’s caregiver as long as he lives—or as long as I do—and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know, if our positions were reversed, he’d take care of me. Oh, he wouldn’t bring me tea and he wouldn’t fluff my pillow, but he would make me laugh.

I’ve learned from my husband how to laugh at myself and life and him, always him.

 

2016 National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ contest finalist. 

Just call me Lipton and pour the hot water.

Early in Peter’s the long journey, people warned me, Take care of yourself, take it easy, don’t wear yourself out. They were right, but I didn’t take their advice.

Several months ago, I added more hours to Peter’s two helpers’ schedules to give myself some time off. With those hours I run errands without worrying about getting home to Peter who can’t be on his own for more than a few minutes at a time. Really, he can’t be on his own for any time at all. And I’ve been able to schedule massages every other week, or go to the bookstore and sit with coffee and a new book for a whole hour.

I’ve wondered, how long can I continue doing this 24/7? What would happen to Peter if something catastropic happened to me?  He couldn’t live alone and he would make life miserable for himself and a caregiver without me as a buffer. Carolynn and Leslie have always said they’d take turns taking care of one or both of us. I know they mean it, and they would do it too, but at what cost to them? These are the kinds of questions that keep me awake nights.

I’ve known for months what I must do, but I played ostrich. I should have done my research, should have put my husband’s name on lists. The multiple choice answers to my question include Assisted Living? Nursing Home? Memory Care? Private Care Home? Additional Care at Home?

When it comes down to it, assisted living is what Peter has now. I assist. In any case, he would not qualify now — he is cognitively impaired, he wanders, and he’s close to late-stage Alzheimer’s.

Nursing homes conjure thoughts of elderly residents parked at the nurse’s station in wheelchairs. No thank you. He doesn’t need nursing care, he needs loving care.

Additional in-home care would likely expand quickly to ’round-the-clock. It may yet come to that, but that would be the last resort. My husband is uncomfortable, always has been, with too many people around, and I’m a loner too.

What about a “memory care” unit at a nursing home, I wondered? Six weeks ago, when I began to scribble thoughts for this post, I wrote, …no need yet for that level of care.

That was six weeks ago.

Since then, my emotions and any rational ideas I might have had have tossed in my head like wet blankets in a malfunctioning dryer — around and around, flip and flop, toss and turn.

After Peter’s accident four weeks ago (two previous posts) I understood what my friend Lourie meant — she has faced these questions too — when she said, “You’ll just know when it’s the right time…” to put him into care. Or when Karen, owner of a caregiving service, said, “Remember, you ‘have Alzheimer’s’ too. You have to choose what is best for Pete, and for yourself.” And I took comfort from something gerontology professor Dr. Elaine Eshbaugh wrote in a blog, “You are just a person — doing the best you can under circumstances that aren’t great. And you’re not alone.”  Others I begged answers from had similar thoughts — don’t feel guilty and don’t let anyone tell you what to do unless they’ve walked in your shoes.

So, after Peter fell on his face, literally, I was smacked in the face figuratively. I had not done my homework and I was not prepared  for the awful days that followed. Somehow, in the swirl of emotions, I thought of respite care, something I hadn’t even considered before. Leslie went with me to visit likely facilities. Respite seemed like the right answer for the short term. Rescue for both of us. Peter would get good care in a more pleasant setting than I would have imagined, and I could put my crumbled self back together again.

I started the process, I talked to family and friends and all agreed it was a good idea. They knew Peter’s state was precarious after his accident, and how exhausted I was. Then, then, Peter’s awful journey changed course. He morphed into the person he was several years ago, before his brain was ravaged by rampant plaques and neuro-tangles

Again my own brain tumbled with conflicting thoughts, but after further counsel from friends, I put respite care on hold. Our life is now paused in that blissful place where romance first bloomed.

A delay was the right thing to do.

“A woman is like a tea bag — you can’t tell how strong she is
until you put her 
in hot water.”  Eleanor Roosevelt

2016 National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ contest finalist. 

 

 

Be careful what you wish for.

Faithful readers will know that I’ve carried on for months about my husband’s constant abuse/misuse of his PAL Search & Locate GPS watch. Almost from the first day six months ago he figured out how to get it off.  He used brute strength to force the supposedly secure clasp to release.

“Ooo-o, you are strong,” I might’ve said, batting my eyes to make him laugh at my use of his old joke. But I didn’t say it, nor did I laugh.

I nagged endlessly, trying everything I could think of to get him to leave the darned thing on until I took it off. He wasn’t bothered by how much it cost nor that I’d had to order a new clasp. When I explained I just wanted to keep him safe, to have a way locate him if he got lost again, he tutted and argued that he was safe and he did not get lost.

By chance, the situation resolved itself. One evening, just after the holidays, I noticed that he had not only removed the GPS watch, he’d also removed the watch I’d given him for Christmas several years ago. Both were on the table beside his chair. I picked them up, put the high tech one in the charger on my desk, and lay the trusty Timex nearby.  Then I forgot about them.

The next morning when he was getting ready to take Nobby for his walk, I remembered. Without really thinking about it, I put the GPS one on his left wrist. He didn’t grumble at all, nor did he ask about his “real” watch. He wore his GPS “pal” all day, and in the evening he held his wrist up for me to remove the thing properly.

He’s done that ever since. He doesn’t remember his other watch, and doesn’t seem to mind wearing the chunky one.

A frustrating problem solved serendipitously.

You’d think I’d be happy or at least relieved, but I’m not. He’s forgotten what was such a  monumental grievance for both of us. Another step down the down staircase.

2016 National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ contest finalist.