How I pity the aides who try to get my husband to shower. His jovial personality disappears when he really Doesn’t. Want. To. Do. Something! And he really doesn’t want to be prodded towards the shower by a female aide, or for that matter, by a male aide. I’m reasonably sure he isn’t the only male resident who balks. It’s got to be embarrassing, humiliating, to be led off to the bath room as if they were little boys.
A year ago, early in Peter’s stay in the memory care unit—the best facility around I might add—I complained, rather loudly, that my husband needed a shower. “He stinks!” I announced. Another day I asked if I could try to get him to shower. The answer was yes and I was successful. He stayed a long time and all I had to do was be there. I didn’t help him wash, didn’t help him dress, but I did tell him how “fresh” he was afterwards. He grinned as if to say it was his idea in the first place.
Unfortunately, showers are only scheduled twice a week, for the men at least. Not often enough for anyone, and especially not enough for my pungent husband at any time and certainly not in the heat of summer. Oh I understand there could be staffing issues and I readily acknowledge my husband is stubborn. But good hygiene is absolutely necessary, in my book, clean clothes too.
Peter’s dug-in heels are contrary to the man who sometimes showered three times a day when he was working in the yard. He’d mow the grass, shower, put on clean clothes, go back out, do another task, come back inside…repeat…repeat….
I had quite a laugh last week when I heard that he had two showers on Tuesday—one in the morning overseen by one aide, the second in the afternoon with help from a different aide who didn’t realize he’d already washed and put on clean clothes. Two showers, two changes of clothes, one day! Woo hoo! Apparently, he didn’t object either time and, because he didn’t remember the first one, he didn’t fuss the second time. Blessing disguised.
Friday, the other shower day for the men, an aide convinced him to shower again. When I picked him up at five to go out to eat with Leslie, Martin and me, not only was he clean, but he was wearing clean trousers and the blue golf shirt Leslie gave him for Father’s Day. Win. Win. Win.
2016 National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ contest finalist.
I hadn’t heard about two showers in one day! I love it!
I know, right?
And 2 years ago he was taking 5 showers a day!!!
Well, four was the max, but still too many. 😉
Celebrate those small victories !
Yay for all of you!
I hear you, how hard it can be to run into something that the residence does differently – it’s tough enough having a spouse live away from you, but there are times that the difference between the way it used to be and the way it is now is painfully magnified by something concrete like the shower schedule. When you think about it, all of the residents, and all of the spouses or partners, are just trying to hang on and manage this difficult turn in their lives. Our lives. Sending warm thoughts!
Thanks, J. You said it better than I did. I did complain and got the issue straightened out, I think. We’ll see how ‘fragrant’ Peter is the next times I visit.
As I have told you on the street, I so enjoy your entries and perspective.