Sandy Markwood, chief executive of the National Association of Areas of Agencies on Aging, describes three buckets of information that caregivers must organize — Health, Financial, Legal.
Used to be, I was Org-An-Ized. I had a master list of my lists. But then, as my caregiving responsibilities escalated, daily crises took precedence and my organization crumbled. I had at least managed to fill the Health Bucket with the things Markwood suggested: list of doctors, medications, medical history, health and long term care insurance paperwork, and emergency contacts. The medications’ information is in the kitchen drawer with all our prescriptions. And I make copies for us to carry in our wallets. Peter never remembers he has his own list, and doesn’t understand why he has to carry a list of mine. Both daughters know where pertinent information is, though responsibility rests heavily on Leslie’s shoulders because she lives nearby.
The Legal Bucket contains wills, financial power of attorney, medical power of attorney, living will, and caregiving plan. The latter should be shared with family and anyone else connected to the loved one to help avoid a frantic search for a critical legal, health, or financial document during a crisis.
The Financial Bucket contains birth certificate, mortgage/rental documents, bills, bank records, passwords for online accounts and contact information of financial advisors. I’ve corralled all that at last.
Passwords, necessary to access nearly everything in every bucket for everyone, are maddening to keep up with. Seems every few days I have to change an old one or concoct another for a new purpose. I love the line, I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will say, “Your password is incorrect.”
Except for the time, years ago when I was a single mom, I hadn’t had to do the taxes or pay the bills during our marriage. For most of our thirty-five years, I was in charge of spending, not keeping track. Anything to do with numbers makes my stomach turn inside out, yet now I’m in charge of the things Peter once could do easily. The best thing I ever did was find an excellent financial adviser. I don’t know how he puts up with me, but somehow he keeps me straight. I strongly advise anyone who walks in caretaker shoes, to find a good financial adviser.
Time was, Peter got cash from the bank every week or so. If I said I needed money he’d hold out some bills for me. But when I tried to pull out a couple he’d tighten his grip so I couldn’t take hold. He was always too quick for me, and we always laughed. I called him affectionately inappropriate names. Now I take care of having cash on hand. When I hold money towards him and grasp it the way he used to do, he still laughs, but I’m not sure he remembers why.
Header photo: Isles of Scilly, England, June 2010.