Guess who’s the top banana in our house?

At nearly 76, overripe and brown-spotted, I didn’t know that another symptom of advancing years, mine at least, is that I can no longer eat a big apple, for instance, or a large burger, and I certainly can’t eat a whole banana these days.

This morning I guillotined a banana right through its yellow-green jacket and sliced half onto a small bowl of granola. At lunch, I plopped the remaining banana half onto my husband’s plate along with his usual two-and-a-half pastrami sandwiches, carrot, pile of crisps, and hunk of Cheshire cheese.

My lunch was two pieces of cold pizza, just the toppings, no crust.

Peter ate everything except for the banana. It was still reclining across his plate, yellow peel draped elegantly across the cut end.

“Eat your banana,” I said.

“I did,” he replied.

“No, it’s still there. Look.”

He lifted the peel and peeked inside. “I hate half of it!” he protested.

“No, ate half of it. I gave you the rest.”


“Because I can’t eat a whole banana anymore.”

“There’s only half here.”

“Yes,” I said, “that’s the half I couldn’t eat. I put it there for you.”

“How am I supposed to remember that? That’s ancient historyI finished eating five minutes ago.

I laughed.

“I’ll eat it later.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I said. “You’ll forget.”

“Forget what?” he asked. And he wasn’t kidding.

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2016 National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ contest finalist. 

12 thoughts on “Guess who’s the top banana in our house?

  1. I’m picturing myself sitting at your kitchen table observing this conversation. So funny!! : )

    • Here’s a p.s. to the post: a while ago, Peter pulled a banana off the bunch in the wooden bowl, and I reminded him there was half a banana waiting for him on the counter. Not happy, but he ate it. For once, I got the last laugh. 😉

  2. Wish I could lose my appetite as you and Paul have. Maybe then I could stop going to Weight Watchers. Bonnie

  3. Funny thing, until your post I never realized that the back of my hands look just like over-ripe banana skins. Thanks for the analogy, Judy! 🙁 Half a banana is all I can eat at one time, too, and Bill never wants to eat the other half – who does? Peter has the right idea! cj

  4. I’m trying to convince myself that the other half (and I don’t mean Peter) is just as good the next day…a bit riper, a bit spottier, but waste not, want not is my motto.

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